The Rogue's Regret
by BDrakesgurl
Summary: Sequel of sorts to An Iceman's Lament- Rogue wonders if she chose the right man?


Title: An Iceman's Lament  
  
Author: JenN  
  
Rating: G, I imagine.  
  
Summary: Rogue's Reaction To Her Relationship With Bobby and Logan.  
  
Pairing: Logan/Rogue, some Bobby/other (not really, though)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Marvel characters. Bobby owns me, but I'm not in the fic, so. it's ok! *G*  
  
Author's Notes: I crave feedback like a hormonal teenage girl craves chocolate *G* Please send to IcePrincessDrake@aol.com or BdrakesQT@aol.com  
  
  
  
  
  
The room stands in an eerie silence now, the bed done up much the way it had been several months ago, when the occupant had packed up his things and slipped out the front door, leaving very little information on where he was going, why he was going, or when he thought he'd be back. I laughed some at that, because frankly, it didn't much suit Bobby to be mysterious. That was Logan's job. And yet there he was, packing in his room as the pre- sunrise cold drifted in through the window, which was cracked open just enough to keep the room comfortable.  
  
A suitcase, about three decades due to be thrown away, was propped open upon his bed, the hinges all but broken, and the handle disconnected on one side. Bobby didn't seem to notice, though... he always had a fondness for broken things, he said. A smile passed my lips at the thought. I'd come to the School broken... perhaps that's why he'd chosen me, to befriend, and later, to fall in love with. I often wonder what might have happened if things had gone differently, but it's too late now.  
  
He'd folded his things carefully, his entire form stiff and determined, a stance I'd seen Scott Summers take on countless occasions. Bobby'd mentioned, back when we were on casual speaking terms, that he admired Mr.Summers more than any other person he'd met, the Professor included. Scott Summers, he told me, had to keep a level of control about him. He wasn't given the liberty to stalk around and act like a delinquent teenager who wanted attention more than anything else, like Logan (an insult that received a firm slap from myself, of course). Instead, he had the responsibility of keeping everything in check... every emotion hidden between the complex folds that make up their team leader, and beloved teacher.  
  
It was surprising, coming from Bobby especially, who was always being reprimanded by Cyclops for not trying hard enough, or not taking things seriously when he should. The conflicts between words and actions confused me at first, but I soon realized that Bobby liked the attention. Being scolded was better than being ignored, I suppose.  
  
Ignored. As I move from the bed to the line of photographs that he'd neglected to take away with him, I remembered the months after Logan returned from school. My attention was quickly pulled from my best friend, ignorance and blissful romance covering common sense, since I knew full well whom I probably should have picked, if I was to make an educated decision, instead of a rash one. Bobby had been the one to fix the broken pieces of me. He'd spent countless hours with me each day, and though he didn't know it, I knew that he'd turned down dates and girlfriends throughout that time, because he wanted to be there when I asked him to be, and even on some occasions when he was there before I was able to. Jubilee and Kitty teased him a lot, about being unlucky with girls, and how maybe he was gay. He'd laugh, or shrug his shoulders, and basically remain quiet on the issue, never once complaining that he had no time for a social life, when it was all spent being nothing more than a friend to me.  
  
He was not self-motivated either, which surprised me most of all, I think. He couldn't have been, after all, when most of the nights that we spent together, I was busy crying over missing Logan, or shaking from a nightmare the Wolverine had left as a sort of parting gift. If he had been planning to use this tactic to get to me, he would have given up once he realized I was still stuck on Logan, and that I would never be emotionally available. At least, not beyond the point of friendship.  
  
Perhaps what annoyed me about Bobby, after Logan had returned, was that he didn't put up much of a fight. If he was hurt, or angry about me being taken away from him, he never really showed it. This bothered me, for some reason, despite being quite happy with Logan. After all, he'd spent so much time repairing my bruised soul, only to have Wolverine come home and take away the finished product... the goal he'd no doubt been striving for.  
  
I realize now how selfish that is: to be angry because Bobby had so carelessly given me away. I know now how wrong I was... how he was just being selfless in the call of duty. He told me that, once. That he'd done it because he cared, and while the love he'd felt for me had slowly faded and healed, his main concern was still that I was happy.  
  
We spoke before he left... while he was packing away his things. I knew I should have continued onward, back to my room where Logan was waiting for me, but I couldn't help myself. I slipped in, and watched him, my head cocked in concentration, before asking what he was doing.  
  
He offered a small smile in return, the surprise not nearly as masked from his face as it could have been. That was one thing he had learned from Scott. He was now just as able to hide his emotions, and for the first time since we'd drifted apart, I'd realized how much I hated that skill of his. I preferred him when he was less experienced in the ways of life. When he actually smiled, and laughed, and pulled pranks on teachers, just so that we wouldn't have to take a test we'd forgotten to study for.  
  
That time has come and gone, along with the many happy memories I'd tucked away until now. It's true what they say, I suppose, that you never miss the things that mean the most to you until they're gone.  
  
As I fiddle with the wedding ring on my finger, which was placed upon there five short months ago, I smile softly. He'd come to the wedding. I'd given the address to Hank to send, whom Bobby told me would be the only person to really know where he was at times, almost convinced that Bobby would be absent from my wedding day. Instead, he arrived, spruced up and handsome as ever, with a girl on his arm, and made his way boldly up the aisle to take his place beside Xavier in the front row, so transferred to me by Jubilation  
  
Lee, who claimed she could "Like, hardly believe it."  
  
It was awkward afterward, trying to realize that he had moved on without me. It's cruel to say, but when you have someone who admires you, and trusts you with the faith and devotion of a puppy, it's hard to see that attention directed at someone else. A large part of me frowned when he'd introduced me to the girl... woman, though I managed civility at least, since I knew I owed at least that to my old friend.  
  
He left directly after the wedding, and none of us, besides Hank, who remained very tight lip on information, heard from him again.  
  
Until yesterday. Logan and I were quite comfortably "napping" in our suite, when Xavier used his mental telephone to alert us to pressing information that Henry McCoy deemed absolutely urgent. Logan and I had rolled our eyes at one another, reluctantly slipping from each others arms, only after our third and final warning, before dressing in the closest things within our reach, and moving on downstairs.  
  
I'd never seen Henry so distressed before, his blue eyes bloodshot from obvious crying, though I, selfishly had made no connection to anything personally related to me, instead wishing that he would make the news quick so that I could return to my place beneath the covers with Logan.  
  
He began the moment everyone fell silent, some eyes curious, while others, like myself and Logan, watched on with a hint of irritation at having been pulled away from more important duties. "A member of our team has fallen, early this morning, within the fine establishment founded by... by our own Professor Xavier and run..." We were instantly shocked into attention then, seeing as how Henry  
  
McCoy was never one to stutter his words. Being fluent in many different languages, and having a general knack for lecturing, he was always able to speak honorably, and expertly, no matter who the audience. "Run by Doctor Moira MacTaggert."  
  
I could see by the way eyes clouded over that people were searching their brains for any member of the X-Men that had long since departed, seeking new lives, and a new foundation for themselves. St.John was away at present, but visiting his parents in Kentucky, where they had just moved. Warren Worthington was a legend here, far before my time, but was well established in the heart of the city, making quite a name for himself, despite obvious stumbling blocks.  
  
"I was told news of this man's condition, in strict confidence, and was made to swear I would tell no other living soul, until he deemed it the right and necessary time." Heaving a heavy sigh, Hank had continued, while I leaned back against Logan, attempting to brace myself for what was to come, knowing I would never be entirely prepared. "Now is just such a time."  
  
"Several months ago, as most of you know, our own Robert Drake silently packed his things and crept away into the early morning hours. What most of you do not know, is that he took with him a young woman that most of us met at Rogue and Logan's wedding," he paused here, to acknowledge those he was speaking about, because continuing. "And returned to Long Island, where the basis of his family was located. I received a telegram yesterday... which confirms his current state. Four weeks ago, Robert Drake was involved in a car accident... one that made him paralyzed from the waist down, as well as leaving him with various other injuries that were diagnosed by the doctor to have long periods needed for healing. Complications... complications arose with those injuries, and during this time Bobby contracted an illness that proved to weaken him further. In short," he paused again, this time to raise a blue hand to his face to wipe at the tears that were furiously falling from his eyes and being soaked in by the fur. "He passed away, earlier this morning, leaving behind a widow..." The word surprises me out of my hazy denial. He couldn't have married that woman... that child who so obviously didn't fit with him! Or was that it...? Had she been too perfect for him, for my taste? "Loving parents, and a loving family right before me."  
  
I choose for the most part to ignore the news, simply push it to the back of my mind and continue on with my daily routine, but when I saw the door to his room cracked open just the slightest bit, I found myself drawn in. For some reason, his presence still filled the room.  
  
And that is where I sit now, trying to make sense of all that has happened within such a short time. I realize now that if Bobby has felt any pain within his life, it is due to me. While he was selfless, encouraging, and altogether a guardian angel in my times of trial, I was able to repay him with nothing but ignorant negligence.  
  
I do not waste time blaming myself for his physical death. But, as I slip from the room, closing the door quietly behind me, I have to wonder, was I the cause of his emotional one? 


End file.
